A Positive Turning Point

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write again.  I was faced with some emotional turmoil that threw me off my course of standing my ground to tell my story openly.  But here’s where things led after what I would call a Positive Turning Point in my life.

After a long period of time working for Cardiac Consultants I decided to move out of my parents home and into my very own one bedroom apartment.  I wasn’t alone really, I had my cat Chloe.  My ex husband and I had gotten her during our marriage and she came with me to my parents, and now we were on our own journey as sidekicks.  She truly was the best friend a girl could have.  I worked hard, and I focused on keeping my schedule regular.  I loved what I was doing and I managed to build some friendships that will always be remembered as the new friends.  Of course these new friends didn’t know about my dirty little secret that I was still in denial but I regularly went to the doctor and kept on my medicine.  This seemed to help and I was growing as a person, my own person.  I had a great place, my adoring cat, some meaningful friendships and of course the support of my loving parents.  Even though I worked hard and spent most of my weeknight making dinner for one and sitting with Chloe while watching TV, I also started to venture out into the world and go clubbing (I was old enough now).  And I was smarter now, I didn’t give myself freely to any male predators but stay true to respecting myself and just having fun.  After being in my first apartment for a year, they raised the rent, a lot.  So I moved into this beautiful old house that had an amazing second floor apartment.  I loved it there too.  It was a little noisier then the first place because it was on the main road but it was perfect and I enjoyed coming home night after night.  But there was something growing inside me.  I wanted more.  I wanted to progress.  So I made the hard decision to leave my freedom, my beautiful apartment, resign from my job that I loved and move back in with my parents to attend nursing school.  This was a big decision for me because I struggled in school.  I wasn’t stupid but I had to work twice as hard as the other students.  My early diagnosis of dyslexia made things harder and I worried that my secret would hold me back and destroy the life I was dreaming of.  But I went for it.  Again, the best parents on the earth welcomed me home again and helped me start a new chapter in my life.  Supporting me the whole way.  My parents have done amazing things for me my entire life, and as far as I’m concerned they deserve a gold metal.  It didn’t stop there, they have been there for me every step of the way.  And still till this day they are my biggest cheerleaders no matter what I might’ve done, or how I might’ve acted or how defective I was.  Their love was never wavering.  It seemed like at this point I could managed my life as a single women, take care of me and worry just about me.  That might’ve been the reason for this positive turning point.

I’d like to think that this was just the beginning of my Happy Ending but my life took turns left and right.  At times it didn’t help that I still couldn’t cope with the reality of my secret.  I was still firmly believing that it was wrong, that I was perfectly fine.  I’m sad to say that wasn’t true.  If I had accepted my diagnosis, kept up with the treatment and actually done my homework, I would’ve learned that just when you think your up, your down.  Just when you think your happy-go-lucky, you find yourself in a deep depression that felt like a dark hole.  This was my future, but I didn’t know it, or want to admit it.

Author: Carrie

Welcome to my site, after years of hiding behind the shame of living with Bipolar I want to share my story and help others without the judgement by simply being Me.

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