Is This Love??

The years between my divorce and meeting my soon to be husband in 2005 was difficult.  As you may have remembered I spent years searching for any “kind” of love, any attention, even the negative kind from men.  Just to fill that hole inside my chest that my ex husband placed there.  And then I spent a couple of years just focusing on me.  But a time came when loneliness was apparent in my daily life so eharmony was my next step.  After several matches I meet a guy that was different.  Seemed more mature and connected with his emotions.  He also had a struggle that he faced daily.  Mine might be mental but his was physical.  This helped us to connect and relate on a deeper level.

Scott and I started officially dating, as in seeing each other in person around late June 2005.  Because of my past experience with my ex husband I was looking for the complete opposite.  Not only did I want him to be completely opposite of my ex but I wanted our relationship to develop differently.  I wasn’t looking to waste my time so I made that clear.  Along with the fact that I didn’t want to hide my dirty little secret if this was going to be “The One.”  So I went into this full force. As it turned out he was approaching this relationship in the same way.  Wanting to find “The One,” not wasting time if it wasn’t a good match.  I’m not entirely sure if that was a recipe for bliss or a disaster.

It was only weeks after we started dating that we got engaged.  It was so romantic.  A scavenger hunt of sorts that lasted most of the day and ended with a proposal and a ring.  It was creative and romantic, everything a girl wanted.  I was on cloud nine and again we didn’t want to waste time.  Because I was previously married I didn’t want to do the traditional wedding because I did that with my ex.  It didn’t take long for us to agree on a beach wedding in the Caribbean.  At this time, I knew that Scott had a big family and didn’t realize how much a destination wedding would be received, but nothing was said and plans moved forward.  We did invite our parents and siblings.  We settled on Jamaica.  My parents were so excited for us and jumped right on board.  There  was little we had to do except give the resort details of what we wanted for our special day, get passports and pick our wedding attire.  It was so stress free and it allowed us to just focus on us.

I must say that it wasn’t all roses during this process..  We had differences and we had fights but they seemed to fade in the background as we pushed forward and our special day arrived.  We were on our way to Montego Bay, Jamaica with high hopes for the most romantic and exciting first trip of our lives.  And that’s what happened.  On December 31st, 2005 we had the most amazing wedding, we were finally husband and wife.  I believe the only thing we truly regretted was that we didn’t stay longer after our wedding day.

Off we were, two completely different people with their own struggles that knew each other for 6 months, starting their lives together and filled with dreams and hopes.

Would this finally be my “Happily Ever After?” Could he be the man to fill the hole my ex made and restore my trust in men?  Am I lovable?  Had I found, “The Ones?”  Did we realize the difficulties that our individual struggles would create?

Author: Carrie

Welcome to my site, after years of hiding behind the shame of living with Bipolar I want to share my story and help others without the judgement by simply being Me.

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