It’s been a rather dark couple of months and it’s wearing me down. As much as people may not understand it’s true that being depressed is exhausting. I could have a day of doing nothing but when night falls I feel like I worked all day to just keep myself alive. But I’m starting to feel strong. Strong enough to fight against the darkness and turn the tide on this cycle. I have an amazingly positive and intuitive sister-in-law and listening to how she handles herself and her thoughts has inspired me to make changes that might help me see things differently. I’m not a religious person but that doesn’t mean I’m not spiritual. I believe in kindness and whatever you put out into the world or what you put in a relationship you’ll receive in return. Obviously the negativity that comes along with mental illness is hard to fight against but I’m starting to believe that it’s possible. Our brain is so impressive. All that it is capable of if your willing to exercise that organ in a positive way. I’ve chosen to try my hardness to change my brain and it’s pattern. I’ve started to encourage myself to see the positive in everything even if it’s the tiniest thing. I also started to meditate, I’m not entirely sure that’s what I can call it because I’ve never researched it, but I’ve started to do some positive self talk in the quiet moments of my days to reaffirm the good in life and the good in Me. Yes, I’m not perfect and Yes I have a mental illness but that doesn’t lessen me as a human being with feelings, hopes and dreams. This is a very new change so I’m not sure how it’s gonna go but I’m gonna try my hardest to make it part of my daily life. Maybe one day down the road I could successfully retrained my brain allowing me to live a more peaceful life. I can’t cure my Bipolar but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna allow it to control me.
In turn this could do amazing things for the people around me. Especially around my boys. It’s important that our kids see a good example in their life when it comes to handling struggles with a positive outlook. I’m really feeling good about this change but know that it’ll take time and dedication, and if I stumble I’ll just get back up and keep moving in a positive direction. I can only control myself and I chose to do a better job at that!!!!