How It All Started…….

I’ve thought for many hours about how to start my story.  There are dates in my life that seem significant but none other then my traumatic childhood and the date I was diagnosed as Bipolar.  Doctors will tell you that Bipolar comes on during your early 20’s and can be brought on by a traumatic event.  This I have found true in my case, but in a way my traumatic childhood had already shaped my life in many ways and continues to impact me as a women day after day.

Just like any child, I was brought into this world with two loving parents and an older brother.  I don’t remember much except when the trauma began.  I was 5 years old and I fell victim to molestation from family member’s.  I just know that it started when I was 5 and continued until I was 11.  At first I didn’t understand because I was so young but then as I got older it was clear that what was going on and what was being done to my body was wrong.  Like most victims I didn’t feel the freedom to reach out to an adult, even though my parents were involved and loving.  It speaks volumes to the shame that occurs when your taken advantage of by older individuals, let alone family member’s that you should trust.  I believe that these experiences started to sculpt the person I was going to become and the course my life took, even before the Bipolar diagnosis which came many years later and under different circumstances.

Over time I will explore the abuse I experienced as a young girl, the behaviors that followed, my formal diagnosis and of course all the in between.

This Is Me……..

Hi!  This is me……  I’m not sure I ever really knew what that meant or what it looked like.  I find myself in a time in my life that things are getting clearer.  I might be on the verge of turning 37 but that feels like an odd number.  I spent so many of those years denying and hiding the other side of me. And now that I’ve accepted and have identified this other side, I’m ready to truly start living free.

My definition of living free is finally saying, “Yes, My Name is Carrie and I live with Bipolar.”  I refuse to hide behind the stigma of suffering from a mental illness and instead celebrate it, and be comfortable with the other side of me.  This site is meant to be an outlet to express whats happened in my life and how I try living through it.

So welcome to my site and feel free to come on my journey and learn to also live free.